It happened and it hurts so bad. Somehow I keep thinking about Twilight right now. That part where she wakes up from months of depression and talks about time passing?
“Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.”
As much as I’m not a fan of Twilight, it’s striking with me right now. I feel so lost and empty and depressed and all I want is for time to pass (preferably in strange lurches). I know, and somehow always knew, that I wouldn’t ACTUALLY be with him forever. And I am able to see some of the fatal flaws our relationship had very clearly. So why does it still ache? If I’m able to accept that this has happened, why do I still feel like throwing up from crying so hard? I never thought that this day would come. The day where I can say, yes Martin and I broke up, our relationship was gunpowder. Who am I? I can accept this Great Thing I Cannot Change but my heart still aches. My body can’t stop crying. I want to just sleep for a year so that maybe I can wake up and it won’t hurt so bad. Because this may actually be the saddest and lowest place I’ve ever been. I guess learning how to be okay again is a process, but damn it I just need to be there now
do you ever cry because you’ve somehow managed to gain a truly fucking amazing person as your friend? and just think about how fucking blessed you are for their existence and how in some previous life you must have done something fucking amazing to deserve them in this life? DO YOU?